How do you find joy in a day, each day, special days meant to celebrate the person you just lost. How do you convey the urgency you feel to others to celebrate the Mother they still have on this earth, what a special blessing they have and to not take it for granted. "Take it for granted" what does that mean? To take something as a privilege, and celebrating your mother on mother's day IS a privilege, however it's not granted to everyone. It's not an assumed gift to me anymore, and makes me so angry to hear people complain about the burden of such a special privilege. How selfish we can be. And yet I understand that there were times in my years where I viewed the privilege the same way as others, it really is true that you don't know what you have till it's gone, and for some, you won't understand what I feel until what you have is gone. The sorrow I feel surprises me some days. Not that it is there, but how much it physically hurts. I expected to be sad, expected to cry. It's the awful aching in my chest and throat that takes me unaware. The very real feeling that my heart is torn, physically ripped.
"Grief is the price we pay for love."
"
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
I feel though, to be angry and sorrowful about this day, would be wrong to the memory of my Momma. It is because I loved her so very much that I hurt so badly, and while that is a poor consolation it is also a small comfort. So I will look for joy today, and I will find it, because I know that is what my Momma would want for me. Using one of the many definitions of Mother: "to watch over, nourish, and protect maternally." I will have a lot of fun watching over my "children" today. :)
